Trust
by UltimateKate
Summary: my first attempt at fanfic, Castle fic and implied Caskett. The fangirl in Kate can't wait to read Frozen Heat fresh from her husband's computer, but Rick just won't let her and she wonders why. Thoughts & musings ensue. Summary better than story, I fear.


**Author's Note:**

_this is my first attempt at a Castle & Caskett implied fic, Kate's POV. This is also my first attempt at fanfic so, be gentle and warned that both Kates I ship sleep with a gun. Castle & Beckett are married and I don't own them. What else? Oh yeah, english isn't my first language and no Beta so far. Which means everyone courageous enough to read it get a cookie. _

_Comments, likes, feedback and constructive criticism are love._

* * *

><p><strong>Trust<strong>

I'm so psyched for Frozen Heat. I'm *this* close to using NYPD's ressources for personal use. I know, I know, very unethical. But Rick absolutely refuses to let me have the slightest sneak peak. I mean, seriously? It's author-muse's 101!

"You'll have the advanced copy, like you always do. I'll even sign it to you, special dedication and everything, if you behave like a good little detective and ask nicely," he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows, a playful spark lighting up his blue skies.

Damn him, I never can resist when he does that. I'm sure by now, he's perfectly aware of the effect playful _**and**_ ruggedly handsome have on me.

"Not even PRs, journalists or critics are graced with this honor. What more could you ask for?" he added, his tone serious, a little worried on the edges.

"Your trust" is the first logical reply that came to mind. But, in all fairness, I couldn't bring myself to voicing it aloud. Still, he really has me wonder now. What's so special about the fourth Nikki Heat that he can't even tell me, his partner, muse and wife, of all people?

At first I thought he wanted to spare me because of the dirty bomb case, which he probably used as a guideline and setting for this upcoming novel. That reliving the whole "nearly frozen to death in each others arms" experience, just so he could write Nikki & Rook perfectly, was a bit too "reality outsmarts fiction". Even for the best-selling author the world and fans acclaim as Richard Castle. But now, I'm wondering, maybe there's something else. There has to be. And I'm not giving up until I find out what it is.

Oh my! I hope he didn't realise that I actually -almost- told him I loved him, back then, in the freezer. I mean, he can be so perceptive when channelling his characters' minds. But, I was so certain we would die and I'd never see him again, drifting into the cold's numbness. Surrendering to its deadly grip. My only fear in that moment of truth, my only regret, was him never knowing how much I loved him... Me never telling him how much he meant to me.

I know it's gonna sound crazy, cheesy or hopelessly romantic now, but I always trusted the author whose books saved my life, with everything. I still do.

His words and storylines mean the world to me. As far as I can remember, they always helped me carry on with my life, even when everything in it was falling apart.

Especially then.

His books kept me sane and safe. They became my world, wrapping me in this same warm and secure feeling I only got when mum and I curled up in front of Temptation Lane. Other times, it's the words on the page that acted like teleporting-magnets: reaching to my soul, reflecting every each of its facets, like the man stringing them just read my mind like an open book... all the while, letting me in his own fictional world.

His writing mesmerized me. Not only because it was sheer brilliant and chiselling the mystery, but also because glimpses of his true self always shone through, leaving me on the threeshold that was the real him. Dying to know the man behind the author.

I guess, one way or another, I've always been drawned to Richard Castle: be it his books, his follow-me-on-page-6 life, his annoying yet genius crazy-solving-crime theories, his ruggedly-handsome-impossible to resist charm, his kindness and the fact that, no matter what I do, no matter what I put him through, he always cares. Always finds a way to be there when I need him the most. Even when I think I don'tneed him to, when I try to convince myself I don't need him, he always finds a way to let me know he cares. Regardless of everything else going on in his life, he'll somehow always manages to put me first. You'd say, that's what partners and friends are for, right?

And I trust my partner and friend with my life. He's saved it so many times, I've lost tracks. Not that I was even keeping scores in the first place, but he countlessly, relentlessly did. True to himself. True to his word. Always.

By throwing himself in the line of fire, by thinking outside the box, by going rogue and never stepping back, or letting go of a case... of me. By holding me up when I was so ready to let myself down. Guilt and shame threatening to swallow me whole again, sending me back to fight my inner demons.

He was there, my light. My love. My knight in shining armor. My Alexander.

I trust him with my love. My life. My everything.

I did from the very beginning. And I will do until the end. Always.


End file.
